The Best Gift to Give your Neighbors this Holiday Season

Just today, I was talking to a sweet mom who was starting to feel the pangs of anxiety regarding the holiday season. Halloween is days away, Thanksgiving is weeks away, and Christmas is only two months away. Shopping, travel, health, work, family gatherings, extra cleaning, cooking, and expenses are just a few things that are on many of our minds. All these extras, many that we love and some that we dread, cause us extra stress and even perhaps anxiety. And guess what? We are not alone. Many others around us are feeling the same. Other feelings around the holidays include depression and increased grief for those missing loved ones, especially during this time of year.

As we communally enter the holiday season filled with joy, laughter, stress, sadness, and so much more, we can give ourselves and one another a beautiful gift. A gift that is truly a gift as it is free and brings with it no expectation, shame, or judgment. What is this gift? It is the gift of grace. 

In Christianity, grace is defined as undeserved favor. It cannot be earned; it is something that is freely given. Grace is a kindness — to ourselves and others.

For this holiday season, I would like to encourage you to start each of your days with the gift of grace first to yourself. One way you might give yourself grace is to remind yourself of the first stanza of the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change; 

courage to change the things I can; 

and wisdom to know the difference.

Grace for yourself might be forgiveness for mistakes or harsh words spoken and remembering Lamentations 3:22-23:

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

Grace for yourself might look like remembering it’s okay to say no, and it is more than okay that your life doesn’t look like the Instagram post that sent your heart and mind into comparison and discontent.

As you give yourself grace, you can extend it to your family and loved ones, remembering they probably feel their version of holiday stress and demands.

As you continue giving yourself grace, you can extend that grace to your neighbors on the road, at the grocery stores, post offices, and other places you may frequent during the holiday season. The places where grace will be received and appreciated are unending! How about grace for your local barista, table server, gas station attendant, or salon worker? Where can you give away undeserved favor and kindness?

This season, finances may be tight, time may feel stretched, and bodies may be tired, but grace can always be given away for free without adding more stress to your life. Giving grace to yourself and giving it away to others can bring refreshment and joy to your soul.

Matthew 22:37-39 reminds us to love our neighbors as ourselves. So, this holiday season, intentionally show yourself some love by giving yourself grace and then giving it to others!

Neighbor: Giving the Free (and Freeing) Gift of Empathy

I think it is safe to say that most, if not all, of us desire a life of health and happiness. We want it for ourselves, our families, and our loved ones. We might even say we wish health and happiness for our world. Today, I’d like to take you on a path to health and happiness, which starts with a little known and often misunderstood word — empathy.

Empathy is a psychological term meaning the ability to recognize, understand, and share the thoughts and feelings of another. It’s being able to emotionally understand what other people feel, see things from their point of view, and imagine yourself in their place. 

We will look at how to give empathy, what it is, and what it is not. I will show you how easy it is to love your neighbor by intentionally giving empathy. I will also show you how giving the gift of empathy not only helps the receiver but also has many positive benefits for the giver. Empathy is a win-win for me, you, and our world!

The opportunity for empathy happens with human connection. Human connection is vital to our health and happiness. Many studies show that “prosocial behaviors such as generosity, compassion, and empathy foster the well-being of all parties involved.” Empathy is a human kindness. It is acknowledging the shared experience of our human condition.

What it looks like to give empathy:

• Empathy takes intentionality- an intention to listen, to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, and to respond with understanding.

• Empathy can happen in a casual setting, such as an exchange with the clerk at the grocery store. It can happen in intimate conversations with a spouse or loved one.

• Empathy might sound like: “That is hard/challenging/difficult” or “That’s a lot to go through.”

Empathy is:

• listening

• choosing to see through the others’ perspective

• being willing to acknowledge that we can only see from our limited perspective in any given situation

• a kindness that helps others to be seen, heard, and valued

• a gift from one human to another

• a kindness on the path to love

Empathy is not:

• emeshing

• enabling

• condoning bad behavior

• compassion (though closely related)

• sympathy (though closely related)

“A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees.”

— Amelia Earhart

The benefits of receiving empathy:

• being seen, heard, and valued by another human being

• feeling understood

• feeling cared for

• feelings of peace

• feelings of connectedness and identification with another

• feelings of hope, healing, and worthiness

• feelings of happiness amid difficulty

Benefits of giving empathy:

• increased humility

• the feeling of doing good towards another human being

• connectedness

• selflessness

• Often, what we say to others is what we say to ourselves. If you suffer from being critical of others or yourself, giving empathy is a path to being more accepting and loving towards yourself.

I hope you will look for opportunities to offer empathy. When you intentionally give empathy, you love the person in front of you. You are loving your neighbor. You are adding to the flourishing of your fellow human. You are participating in human kindness. You are making the world better, one connection at a time.

Changing the World One Ear at a Time

Most if not all of us have experienced the disappointing experience of not being heard, understood or validated. Maybe yours was a difficult conversation with a spouse, a leader in your workplace or a close friend. Maybe you were at a doctor. visit and really needed the physician to patiently listen to why you were there in their office, but instead you left feeling like a number. As humans, one of our most basic needs is to be heard and understood.  

Our current western world and cultural climate is riddled with anxiety, depression, loneliness, anger, fear and disunity. Sometimes we can feel helpless as to how to make a difference. Today, I would like to suggest a simple way to make a positive impact on those around you no matter what your situation is or where you are: become a better listener.

Here at Intentionally Ordinary, we are all about making small, intentional steps to bring more goodness and peace to our homes and those around us. So today, I’d like to offer some simple ways that you can become a better listener for the greater good of those around us.

“Listening is one of the best gifts we can give or receive. Listening changes things”

— Ruth Haley Barton

The list below is not in any particular order. Please know that this list includes areas that I am working on myself — we are in this together! The purpose of the list is to help us identify one or more areas where we can make a small change that over time will have a big impact on loving others well.

• simply be purposeful about giving your attention to anyone who talks to you

• ignore dings from your smart devices unless absolutely necessary — utilizing Do Not Disturb is helpful

• control any body language that “says” I am in a hurry when someone is talking to you

• refrain from texting while someone is talking to you

• avoid interrupting 

• practice listening to others with different opinions than your own without judgment

• redirect your attention if you find you are not being present to whomever is speaking

• listen with the intent to understand

The above list focuses primarily on our listening. The list below offers some ideas on responding in ways that indicate we are or have listened well.

• offer appropriate positive body language: eye contact, leaning in, facial expressions

• offer empathy to those who are hurting

• repeat important points

• end on a positive note with something like, “thanks for sharing”

I am sure you can add to this list and I hope that you do! As you pay attention to how you listen you will be surprised at how you can intentionally show others love and respect simply by improving your listening skills.  

It’s more about treating others the way we like to be treated. Esteeming others as important. Being kind to our fellow humans. Making the world a better place one ear at a time.

Enjoying the journey together! — Valerie

Resources for Nourishing Your Neighbor

Neighbors are not just the people living next to us. Neighboring extends to everyone around us. Caring for those next door, those across the street, fellow school moms, classmates, coworkers, and anyone we pass while out and about, is at the heart of neighboring. We believe this also extends to a care for our planet, as caring for the world around us in turn nourishes our neighbors and communities.

Check out our favorite resources for caring for the planet and caring for anyone we might consider our neighbor (hint: basically everyone!) below.

Here are some resources to care for the planet:

1. Stasher bags- these have been my favorite reusable bag! I use them for making smoothie freezer packs, taking snacks or lunch on the go, and for packing miscellaneous items in my diaper bag! They’re silicone and super easy to wash and use. I highly recommend replacing plastic bags with these. They are definitely worth their cost!

2. Silicone straws- I love using these for my morning smoothies and iced coffees! Bonus planet points if you bring them to your local coffee shop or restaurant too haha.

3. Blue Bottle eco cup- this is one of my favorite to go cups. I use it all the time for both hot and iced drinks! It’s simple but beautiful, and I find myself reaching for it more than my other travel mugs. Plus it’s dishwasher safe!

Next up, resources for the practice of neighboring:

1. The Art of Neighboring by Jay Pathak- this book is both practical and encouraging. It is full of stories and ideas on how to be intentional about knowing and loving your actual neighbors.

2. The Comfortable Kitchen cookbook - this is our favorite cookbook to turn to when we have guests coming over. We know these recipes will never fail to impress! There’s plenty of other great recipes to make for yourself, your whole family, and the kids, but we love sharing these recipes with our neighbors too.

3. To go containers- Our favorite way to show our neighbors kindness and love is through food, so we always have some eco-friendly to-go containers on hand. After dinner is over, send them home with leftovers, or drop off a few extra cookies next door - these are great for so many things!

We hope you’ve been inspired to be more intentional with the materials you’re using to care for our earth and been motivated to invite a neighbor over for dinner or leave them with some treats. Caring for others is so important and can effect significant change in our world. Let’s be a light to those around us!