The Practice of Blessing Your Children
Recently, I was listening to a podcast by Intentional Parents. In it, the hosts talk about the benefits of speaking blessing over your children. This can look like simply saying, “You are kind” or “I noticed you sharing; I appreciate your thoughtfulness.”
In the Bible, a blessing often looks like a paragraph-long speech foretelling the success of your children. While you can do that, I’ve found great benefit from simply noticing the small things my children do and telling them.
When I started this practice, I had difficulty accepting the task. I thought, “Why would I say things that aren’t true about my kids to them??”. My children are currently 4.5 and 3 years old and definitely in a phase of tantrums and fighting and not sharing. They’re good kids, but I felt most of my time was spent on discipline and correction. I was putting a lot of time into trying to fix behaviors. How can I tell them they’re kind when wrestling each other? How can I call them thoughtful when they refuse to share?
But I found that the more I noticed and called out the small kindnesses in my children, the less they actively engaged in less desirable behaviors.
Blessings work similarly to affirmations. With affirmations, we tell ourselves truths over and over again. Hearing “I am strong” or “I am loved” day in and day out or repeated over a few minutes allows those truths to sink into our core. Over time, we come to believe these things about ourselves. When we know we are loved, we can act in love. When we know we are strong, we can face hardships better.
It’s the same with speaking affirmations to your children. Telling them “you are strong” or “you are loved” day in and day out allows those truths about themselves to take root in their hearts. Soon they’re operating on the truth that they are strong, and kind, and brave, and friendly, and patient. They can act more freely on those characteristics when they know those things to be true.
Children live up to the expectations we put on them. If we expect them to misbehave and be challenging, they will be. If we expect them to be kind, thoughtful, and gentle, they will be. When we see them in their full potential, they can see themselves that way too.
Here are a few steps to begin the practice of blessing your children:
Start by noticing. Take the time to watch your children move about their world and interact with peers and family members. Observe the “thank you’s” and the “excuse me’s” and the hugs and the sharing.
Call it out. You can say something like, “Thank you for sharing with your sister,” or “I noticed you put away your shoes. That’s so helpful!” or “You’re a great friend.”
Repeat it. Make space for blessing every day. Even in the busyness of life, even in the middle of a day full of major toddler meltdowns, find something to bless them with.
Whether you have two-year-olds or twelve-year-olds or even adult children, offering a blessing to your children can make a significant impact on their lives. And honestly, it can change your heart too.